Goodbye My Babyboy
You went away, I never wanted to let you go...
I remember the first time I saw you. Like a little piece of cotton wrapped up like a ball in a giant carry bag; eyes closed, peacefully breathing-in, breathing-out with a complete "I don't care about the world" look. It was probably the most peaceful look I had ever seen on anyone. You were handed over straight into my arms & my very first reaction was " Whoa!! So tiny! Is that a baby fox??" You were sleeping with your face buried at the crook of my neck and it felt like the entire universe just stopped spinning. That very second I knew my entire life has changed and the road from here on is not going to be an easy one. A responsibility for another life made me feel like a mother and a child at the same time. I was going through N number of emotions with these two topping the list undoubtedly. I can say that because according to Mom, I was looking teary eyed and all. That day I made a promise to myself, that I'll always be there for this little guy... until I'm told otherwise, by him and only him.
Funny how they say that with time, memory starts fading away and yet I can still recall the look on my brother's face when I made you sit on his lap. I don't think I have seen him get that paranoid (except may be that one time where he scored B+ in chemistry. Talk about third world problems :P) squealing like a 5 year old who's just stepped on a spider. I remember telling him that day, "How on earth a 15 year old GIANT guy like you is this much scared of a little thing" . And of course that statement earned me a few laughs, some wicked ones that too, 1 confused stature & 1 death glare (guess i don't need to mention who gave me that death glare now").
I remember the 1st time you were poked & probed by the doctor . You started cryin & wailing even before you were actually probed you know, like how a 5 year old would with a "Arey maar daala Arey maar dala!!!" kinda tone in its voice..
It was amusing & difficult to watch at the same time. Obviously it was not cool at all witnessing you go through all that pain but I did what I did because I had to protect you from the big bad world (Just so you know, IT SUCKS BY THE WAY!)
You have got to be the most disciplined guy I have ever seen. Of course your mood swing when it came to food still baffles me more than your very human like behaviour; HOW CAN ANYBODY BE THAT CHOOSY with food??
For Dad, it seemed like his days of pampering were back. You were the apple of his eyes. Mom had her own way of pampering you & loving you. In fact I think she loved you so much so that one day she told my brother & me, " tora dujono dono IIT pass kor na kor , aamar choto bachcha ta theek kore jaabe (Whether you two qualify for IIT or not, my youngest one definitely will". Proud and embarrassed at the same time. See!!! That's how much Mom loved you.... still does in fact.
Brother started to love canines because of you. You made him get over his canine phobia just like he describes that feeling as... So yeah!! Big Pachyderm will always be in your debt.
As far as my love for you is concerned, you know exactly how much I DO, always did & always will. You will always be the 1st & most precious boy in my life forever, my first best friend for 12 years, my child. My heart will always hold the biggest candle for you like promised.
I also promised you to shield you from all the pain and negativity surrounding you. You deserve the best of the world. And look! I kept my word. YOU ARE FREE.
It was hard to let you go. I buried a part of me that day along with you, but you asked for it so how could I say no for my own selfish benefits?
I MISS U BRUNO... terribly. Part of me, my heart, my home is empty now.
But you're in a much better place from today so from here on you will always be fine which means I'll b fine too... I hope.
You saved me you know... when I was at my worst, one look at you and I was brought back from whatever rabbit hole I always kept spiralling down into.
So I thank you for reappearing & reassuring me in my dreams that you have crossed the rainbow bridge happily and healthily.
I know I'll see you again someday, somewhere... till then, GOODBYE MY BABYBOY.... I LOVE YOU... ALWAYS! :')
I remember the first time I saw you. Like a little piece of cotton wrapped up like a ball in a giant carry bag; eyes closed, peacefully breathing-in, breathing-out with a complete "I don't care about the world" look. It was probably the most peaceful look I had ever seen on anyone. You were handed over straight into my arms & my very first reaction was " Whoa!! So tiny! Is that a baby fox??" You were sleeping with your face buried at the crook of my neck and it felt like the entire universe just stopped spinning. That very second I knew my entire life has changed and the road from here on is not going to be an easy one. A responsibility for another life made me feel like a mother and a child at the same time. I was going through N number of emotions with these two topping the list undoubtedly. I can say that because according to Mom, I was looking teary eyed and all. That day I made a promise to myself, that I'll always be there for this little guy... until I'm told otherwise, by him and only him.
Funny how they say that with time, memory starts fading away and yet I can still recall the look on my brother's face when I made you sit on his lap. I don't think I have seen him get that paranoid (except may be that one time where he scored B+ in chemistry. Talk about third world problems :P) squealing like a 5 year old who's just stepped on a spider. I remember telling him that day, "How on earth a 15 year old GIANT guy like you is this much scared of a little thing" . And of course that statement earned me a few laughs, some wicked ones that too, 1 confused stature & 1 death glare (guess i don't need to mention who gave me that death glare now").
I remember the 1st time you were poked & probed by the doctor . You started cryin & wailing even before you were actually probed you know, like how a 5 year old would with a "Arey maar daala Arey maar dala!!!" kinda tone in its voice..
It was amusing & difficult to watch at the same time. Obviously it was not cool at all witnessing you go through all that pain but I did what I did because I had to protect you from the big bad world (Just so you know, IT SUCKS BY THE WAY!)
You have got to be the most disciplined guy I have ever seen. Of course your mood swing when it came to food still baffles me more than your very human like behaviour; HOW CAN ANYBODY BE THAT CHOOSY with food??
For Dad, it seemed like his days of pampering were back. You were the apple of his eyes. Mom had her own way of pampering you & loving you. In fact I think she loved you so much so that one day she told my brother & me, " tora dujono dono IIT pass kor na kor , aamar choto bachcha ta theek kore jaabe (Whether you two qualify for IIT or not, my youngest one definitely will". Proud and embarrassed at the same time. See!!! That's how much Mom loved you.... still does in fact.
Brother started to love canines because of you. You made him get over his canine phobia just like he describes that feeling as... So yeah!! Big Pachyderm will always be in your debt.
As far as my love for you is concerned, you know exactly how much I DO, always did & always will. You will always be the 1st & most precious boy in my life forever, my first best friend for 12 years, my child. My heart will always hold the biggest candle for you like promised.
I also promised you to shield you from all the pain and negativity surrounding you. You deserve the best of the world. And look! I kept my word. YOU ARE FREE.
It was hard to let you go. I buried a part of me that day along with you, but you asked for it so how could I say no for my own selfish benefits?
I MISS U BRUNO... terribly. Part of me, my heart, my home is empty now.
But you're in a much better place from today so from here on you will always be fine which means I'll b fine too... I hope.
You saved me you know... when I was at my worst, one look at you and I was brought back from whatever rabbit hole I always kept spiralling down into.
So I thank you for reappearing & reassuring me in my dreams that you have crossed the rainbow bridge happily and healthily.
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